I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
