Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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