The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
