I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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