Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We're too hungover to prance.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
