I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
