Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
