It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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