i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
