I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
