sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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