Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
