this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
