You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
