I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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