The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
