I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
