laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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