probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
