Whod you bang
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
