The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
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Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
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You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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