his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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