i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
