she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
