Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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