those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just invented taco cereal.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
