bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
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Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
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I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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