i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
it was like eating out sand paper
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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