Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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