ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
