do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
