Whatcha textin bout Willis?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
