I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
