So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
