So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
