tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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