Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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