So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
