I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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