Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
