My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
