Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
