Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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