hell yes lets make some ravioli
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
it glows. i had to have it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
