Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
