look no pants
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
