Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you inspire me to be a worse person
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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