he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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