remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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