Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
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she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
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You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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