Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
