1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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