i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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