haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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