remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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