getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
