i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
