I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
