Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
