I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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