I bet he comes in French.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i may or may not be watching the land before time
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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