we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
