There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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