you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
