She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
