I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize