I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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