he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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