if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
