I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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