You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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