That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
