Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
sarcasm needs its own font
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
