I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
