hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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