I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
