did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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