I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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