My liver just broke up with me...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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